Life in a Sofa

Last night, while I was out talking about particle physics in Croydon, my useless family lost the TV remote. Having excluded all the other possibilities, this morning I came to the conclusion there was no option but to subject the sofa to radical surgery.

A few careful slashes with a stanley knife later, here’s the result.

For posterity, here (excluding a very strict definition of actual rubbish) is the inventory…

  • Tech
    • One TV remote (hurrah!)
    • One mobile phone (broken)
    • Two mobile phone sim-card holders
    • One plastic port sealer from an old Mac Air
    • One magnetic top from a knock-off apple pencil, with a pin, a staple and a paperclip stuck to it
  • One Letter from the bank
  • One photo of son
  • One tuning fork (E)
  • Two eye-covering face masks
  • One rubber lizard
  • Lego
    • One lego leg
    • One set of instructions for building a lego minifigure
    • One lego minifigure visor
  • One cushion tassle
  • One ski pass
  • One ski pass holder
  • One rubber frog
  • Two socks (not a pair, obviously)
  • Two conkers
  • One set of teen tampon instructions
  • One sachet of silica gel (do not eat)
  • One teatowel label (“Names of Ireland”)
  • One marble
  • One leather baggage tag
  • One rubber flying pig
  • One long piece of pink string
  • One cardboard jigsaw piece with a butterfly on it
  • One dragonfly tattoo
  • One loomband necklace
  • Two keyrings
  • One rawl plug
  • One Tom and Jerry moving picture thing
  • One picture of Clarence the Camel (Who he? Ed)
  • One password (Year 6)
  • Hair-related
    • Six combs
    • Nine hair bands
    • One large and five small hair clips
  • Stationery
    • Eleven pens
    • Two felt tip pens
    • Six pencils
    • One bulldog clip
    • Three more paperclips
    • Three rubber bands
    • One metal cat-shaped book mark, and two cardboard bookmarks
  • Money
    • £3.32 in loose change
    • Two Swiss centimes
    • Ten Icelandic Krona
    • Five Croatian Kuna (why!? None of us have been to Croatia)
  • Food related
    • One hazelnut
    • One peanut
    • One packet of wahaka chilli seeds
    • One label for a fifty-flavours-of-jellybean pack
    • One wooden meat skewer
    • Two spoons
    • One Franco Manca flier
    • One cat treat
  • One dead moth

About Jon Butterworth

UCL Physics prof, works on LHC, writes (books, Cosmic Shambles and elsewhere). Citizen of England, UK, Europe & Nowhere, apparently.
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